The idea of starting a blog had been with me ever since I had the accident and I did actually give it a go but unfortunately I didn’t have the emotional and mental strength to commit to a blog. I did however write my thoughts sporadically, mostly during peaks and troughs in my mental and emotional state. Only a couple of these made it online in my initial attempt at a blog. This is one of those posts. Now it must be said, at the time this was written I was in a pretty dark place, having only been out of hospital less than a year and in the very VERY early stages of piecing my life together. That being said, it serves as a rare window (even for myself) into one of the most defining periods in my life and definitely sheds some light on my view of the world.
“I won’t lie it’s been hard but I will always believe I’ve had it easy. Growing up in Nigeria I heard too many stories of people who survived all sorts of accidents including car crashes only to die hours, days and even months later from their injuries, some in hospital, others on the way there, and for some lucky few, at the site of their accident. Yes, that’s not a typing error; they were lucky, lucky because death cut their pain short. Imagine the pain suffered by someone with a broken arm, leg, skull, pelvis or neck. And I’m not just talking about a simple fracture like most people have had, I mean seeing your bone ripped through your skin, watching yourself bleed and not knowing if any help would come. Then being taken to a hospital you know doesn’t have the right facilities only to be kept alive to suffer the pain. It gets to the point death becomes desired but you can’t be so selfish as to leave behind those who love and depend on you so you fight it hoping you’ll get better someday. Believe me, it’s an experience you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. Yet I tell you today’ I was lucky. I didn’t suffer any pain, not even after breaking two bones in my neck. I was paralysed before I felt any pain. Ironic isn’t it.
– by pencilpicasso, June 2011″
It’s a bit grim but very real, raw and truly what I felt at the time. Those thoughts haven’t necessarily changed all that much I can gladly say I am much more at peace with my life and though it can still be tough, I’mhappy.