I’ve been disabled for over seven years now. It’s been hard but it’s been amazing. Sometimes I feel like it’s all too much to handle, sometimes I feel like I might be the luckiest guy on the planet. Today I don’t feel so lucky.
I know I have it quite good considering, I know things could be so much worse. But I also know I’d rather not be disabled in the first place. And it’s not simply because I want to be physically able again (even though I do). It’s that my disability dictates my life. I always say to people, and to myself, “Your disability doesn’t define you”, but I genuinely can’t say it doesn’t. Everything in my life is dependent on, or heavily influenced by my disability. My career, my social life, my home, my diet… even my sleeping patterns: all would be drastically different if I wasn’t disabled. I can’t pop to the shop without mapping out a route with ramps and level access. I can’t go on holiday without accommodating for my carers, medication, equipment, emergency healthcare, accessible accommodation etc. I have a deep love for drawing, dancing, basketball and video games. I haven’t been able to enjoy those passions since 2010. Correction, I danced with a pretty girl at a wedding a couple weeks ago… and I definitely enjoyed it. It still wasn’t the same though.
I don’t like not being able to choose. It’s one of the core reasons I don’t like getting drunk. It’s the reason I’d rather direct my own care than simplify things by using a care agency, it’s the reason I love my wheelchair. But it’s also the reason it sucks that I will get ill if I don’t drink copious amounts of fluid each day, it sucks that I need care in the first place, it sucks I need a wheelchair at all.
But today is just one of those days when I don’t feel so lucky. Because it looks like crap doesn’t mean it is. Kind of like a shish kebab. Today is just one of those days. Tomorrow I’ll remember that my disability indeed does not define who I am. Tomorrow I’ll remember I’ve been to Uni and graduated twice since my disability. I’ll remember I’ve carved out a career and a life worth being proud of even against overwhelming odds. I’ll remember I write a blog with no hands and people apparently read it (or they at least say they do). I’ll remember I have the most amazing family on the planet. Tomorrow I’ll remember I live my life not because of but despite my disability.
12 thoughts on “Am I More Than A Disability?”
Ify I love this! It’s so important for everyone in this world, to just be honest about how we truly feel. Expressing the fact that life doesn’t always give us what we want and that some days we just don’t feel good, but understanding that this is just “life”. Giving us the ups and downs, helping us grow. I firmly believe when we share our own struggles and vulnerabilities we make it possible for others to do the same and through this we help guide and light the path for others. Much love and light to you xoxo
Very true. I just so happened to be having one of those days, and I should probably talk about them more to be honest. All in all, thanks for the love.
I am not ready to write much for now, but I will soon.
However I shall say this:
” You are my No.1 role model. You overcoming this also means I can overcome any challenge”
I platonically love u men.
Much appreciated brother. The love is mutual.
Hi Ify I have really enjoyed reading your blogs- you are skilled!
Thank you Amy. I appreciate it and am glad you enjoy the reading. 🙂
I’ve been reading a lot of your posts lately. With each one, I am reminded of how much I take things in my life for granted and complain about the littlest of things.
I remember the clique in Fountain School – I, You and Jay-Jay. You were always up and about with so much energy and always smiling. I do thank God for your life. He saved you for a reason and I can see with every post, you are well on your way to fulfilling that purpose.
Do not give up hope. With God, all things are possible. Thanks for reminding me, the value of life. I am also more informed and aware of the lives of people living with disabilities.
I’ll hit you up when next I’m in the UK.
Dude, I almost broke down reading this and remembering the good old days. You can’t imagine how good it feels hearing this from you. It’s honestly been too long. Thanks for following up on me (and the blog). I’ll definitely keep my head up and keep pushing. I hope you’re all good too. If/when you are in the UK, my doors are open.
Ifeanyii!! Thank you so much for sharing a part of your life with us. This blog is amazing.. Made me realise that ‘Life Happens’ ; and we have to be thankful in every situation and make each passing day count.
Above all, I thank God for your life and everything that you are doing… You’ve always been and would forever be a blessing (even from when you used to help me draw in Ahall lol)
Thanks dear. It means a lot from someone who knew me before I began “life in a chair”. Hope you’re well.